Strap ons are one of those truly universal categories of adult toys: there’s something in strap on play for everyone to enjoy, regardless of gender and sexual orientation.
Many strap on harness are designed to give people without penises the ability to penetrate their partner hands free with an attached dildo. Some styles of harness can also be used by people with penises. Strap ons with solid dildos give them the option of having a dildo above their penis for double penetration while strap ons with hollow dildos can accommodate a flaccid or erect penis. This can offer extra length and girth but also enable men with erectile dysfunction to regain the ability to have penetrative sex.
Strap on play has surged in popularity over recent years due in part to a growing interest by straight couples. The term pegging is used to describe the anal penetration of a male by a female wearing a strap on harness. Pegging allows couples to experiment with flipping the traditional gender roles while exploring the pleasure and benefits that can be found in prostate stimulation.
The ability to customize your harness/dildo combination is one of the beauties of strap on play. It is worth noting though that there is often some trial and error involved in finding a harness/dildo combination that works for both you and your partner.
Choosing a harness:
There are several styles of waist harnesses available including jock strap, thong and underwear types. Comfort, function and aesthetics are the main things to consider when choosing a harness but it’s important to note that the style of harness worn will determine how much of the wearer’s genitalia is accessible during play.
Underwear harnesses are regarded by many as the most comfortable option but they will provide the most coverage and are usually not adjustable. They come in brief and boxer styles in a variety of sizes usually based on waist measurements.
Thong style harnesses can feel and look great but the back strap can also limit access to genitalia. The pressure and rubbing of the back strap between the buttocks can potentially be painful and uncomfortable over time.
Jock strap styles (ones with straps that go across each buttock) are arguably the most popular choice as they’re fully adjustable and provide the greatest amount of access. Jock strap harnesses are also considered the preferred style if you’re interested in using particularly large or heavy dildos.
In terms of appendages, some harnesses come with an inbuilt dildo while others allow you to change your dildo as your needs and experience level evolves. These harnesses usually feature a plastic or metal O-ring at the front to slip the dildo through which holds it securely against the pubic bone. Detachable O-rings are a great feature in a harness as they allow you to change sizes or replace them if they snap. Other harnesses rely solely on a plate at the front to use with a suction cup dildo which can provide extra convenience but you may have a greater chance of the dildo detaching unexpectedly during play.
Harnesses are also available which fit around the thigh or other body parts while people with vaginas have the option of losing the straps completely. Strapless strap ons have an egg shaped appendage which sits inside the vagina and relies on the user’s skill and pelvic floor muscles to hold it in place while they thrust. They’re generally not a great option for beginners and we recommend getting plenty of experience with a strapped style along with doing lots of Kegel exercises before you try a strapless strap-on.
Some harnesses are designed with features to provide additional stimulation to the wearer and/or the receiver. The most basic feature is a small pocket in the front of the harness which allows you to insert a bullet vibrator for clitoral stimulation. More advanced features include rechargeable or battery powered vibration, heating or thrusting motions as well as app and remote controlled functionality.
Choosing a dildo:
A common suggestion for those starting out in strap on play is that the person who’s wearing the strap on chooses the harness while the person being penetrated chooses the dildo. Most dildos that have a flared, suction cup style base can be used in conjunction with a harness, depending on the size of the O-ring.
In terms of shape, you can choose something realistic looking or a non-phallic, gender neutral style. Many dildos designed specifically for use with strap on harnesses feature a slight curve with tapered tip which can be easier to maneuver when you’re first starting out.
Sizing is important, both length and girth. We recommend beginners to strap ons, especially those who are planning to use it for anal play start out with a relatively thin dildo of between 3-6 inches in length. Larger dildos are great for vaginal play or more experienced anal play.
Like most adult toys, silicone is the preferred choice of material as it’s non-porous, non-reactive and body safe. Silicone dildos come in a variety of levels of firmness and are durable and easy to clean but they are not compatible with silicone lubricant.
How to get started:
If you and your partner have decided to try strap on play and have picked a harness and dildo, the next step is for the wearer to get used to having it on. Many sex educators recommend putting the harness and dildo on and wearing it around the house outside of play to get used to how it feels and moves. An added benefit of this is that it allows you to feel physically accustomed to wearing it but also more confident and comfortable within yourself. Most people feel quite self-conscious and even a bit silly when they first start out, this is perfectly normal. It may also be worthwhile watching people wearing harnesses in porn videos to give you a better understanding of the mechanics involved and ideas about positioning.
Movements such as thrusting can feel awkward at first and may require you to use your core and pelvic muscles in an unfamiliar way. In that case, practicing by thrusting into a pillow, masturbating with your strap on and incorporating it into your foreplay can also help you feel more confident and comfortable with your new appendage.
Some positions are more strap on friendly for beginners than others; doggy style and missionary are great options to try at first. Don’t be afraid to use your hands to guide the dildo and prop yourself or partner up with pillows where necessary to help you find the best angles for both of you. Take your time and keep talking to your partner, let them guide you as you experiment with different angles, speeds and depths of penetration.
We can’t overstate the importance of lubrication in strap on play, especially with anal penetration. The friction from not using enough lubricant can make it painful and uncomfortable for the person being penetrated. A good quality water based lube is a safe option as it’s compatible with all toy materials and we suggest keeping it within arm’s reach in case you need to reapply. Hygiene is also very important in strap on play. You should clean your dildo (and your harness if necessary) as soon as possible after use with a toy cleaner and let it dry completely before storing it away safely. We also recommend having separate dildos for vaginal and anal use to prevent bacterial contamination.
You can browse our range of strap on harnesses here and our range of dildos here. If you need any help selecting a harness, please contact our friendly team and we'd be happy to assist.